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A CurtainUp London London Review
The Fastest Clock in the Universe


All hungry little cannibals at a cannibal party. So fuck the milk of human kindness and welcome to the abbatoir! — Cougar
The Fastest Clock in the Universe
Finbar Lynch as Captain Tock, Jaime Winstone as Sherbert Gravel and Alec Newman as Cougar Glass
(Photo: Robert Day)
Philip Ridley's plays are dark and satisfying, edgy and glittering, full of wit and spilling over with references to modern culture. Hampstead Theatre are reviving his 1992 play The Fastest Clock in the Universe which premiered there as a part of the celebration of 50 years of this theatre.

Watching this play you get glimpses of Orton and Pinter, even Hitchcock and Joseph Losey. The mixture is dynamic and fresh and always tongue in cheek as Ridley's words have a poetic feel. The surreal names of Ridley's characters— Foxtrot, Sherbert, Cheetah and Cougar — are like those ill-chosen and given to their children from celebrities seeking originality and instead finding naffness.

The Fastest Clock in the Universe is set in the flat of couple, Captain Tock (the wonderful Finbar Lynch) and his, afraid of growing old, boyfriend, Cougar Glass (Alec Newman) who is celebrating, as he has on many previous occasions, his nineteenth birthday. Somehow the birthday party ritual serves to allay his fears that he might be getting older, especially as he is seriously addicted to tanning in front of a sunlamp. In fact, as the play opens we see Cougar in a pair of brilliant white Y front underpants getting his all over tan in their living room cum kitchen. This room is a wonder with its details, china in the Welsh Dresser, ornithological pictures on the walls and the Captain's collection, on high shelves, of stuffed birds, from falcons to herring gulls. Outside, real birds screech or hit the glass of the windows as they attempt to fly into the building, menacing and sinister. Like the script, the electric lights spit and fizz as the power play gets going.

Cougar has met a young man, actually still of school age at the hospital, the 15 year old and delightfully named Foxtrot Darling (Neet Mohan) whom he has invited to this latest birthday party. As Foxtrot was visiting his dying brother, Cougar pretended to be visiting his dying wife so that he could contrive to bump into Foxtrot and as the brother died, so too did Foxtrot's fictional wife. "United in grief" explains Cougar to the Captain. Unfortunately the object of Cougar's ardour arrives at the party with his dead brother's pregnant fiancée, Sherbert Gravel (Jaime Winstone) whom Foxtrot intends to marry. Cougar's birthday party starts to be overtaken by Sherbert's romantic plans. The cast is completed by an old white witch, the bizarre Cheetah Bee (Eileen Page), the only person who can soothe Cougar when he flips in return for payment in meat; this time it's liver.

Cougar's planned seduction hurts his taxidermist partner, the long suffering Captain with his depressing straps of combed over hair, but each disastrous turn of that seduction with the entry of Sherbert brings a sneaky smile to the loyal Captain's face as he sees his lover's new interest frustrated. There is a depth of message here under the slapstick that Ridley is conveying. "Nature has its rules and regulations and they are either cruel or fucking cruel." Sherbert irritates with her repetition of her love for things traditional to the point that we are actually beginning to side with Cougar. We wince as she makes everyone wear a party hat produced from her voluminous handbag.

Director Edward Dick has drawn perfect performances from his cast. Finbar Lynch's compliant but desperate Captain tries to please Cougar with the birthday cards that are brought out to be displayed every party time and by buying the birthday cake. Alec Newman's body beautiful Cougar has all the ridiculous insecurity of the intense narcissist when ageing is inevitable. Newman seethes with rage hiding behind the dark glasses as Sherbert frothily hijacks the party. Making her stage debut, Jaime Winstone as Sherbert chirrups away inanities while Neet Mohan smiles sweetly. In this play, set in the East End of London above a fur factory it seems it is the humans who are being skinned alive. This is successful comedy with more than a shadow of despair at the human condition.

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The Fastest Clock in the Universe
Written by Philip Ridley
Directed by Edward Dick

Starring: Finbar Lynch, Alec Newman
With: Jaime Winstone, Eileen Page, Neet Mohan
Design: Mark Thompson
Lighting: Rick Fisher
Sound: Adrienne Quartly
Movement: Jane Gibson
Fight Director: Bret Yount
Running time: Two hours 15 minutes with one interval
Box Office: 020 7722 9301
Booking at Hampstead to 17th October 2009
and then 22nd October to 14th November 2009 at the Curve Theatre, Leicester, Box Office: 0116 242 3595
Reviewed by Lizzie Loveridge based on 22nd September 2009 performance at the Hampstead Theatre, London NW3 (Tube: Swiss Cottage)

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